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Handling the “Hard-to-Get” Game

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Hey Dennis!

I’ve read your website and I think you might be able to help me.

I’ve had numerous relationships and have no trouble getting girls. I’m approaching 30 now and trying to find the girl of my dreams.

There is this girl I have known for about a year or so that has always not only caught my eye but is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance with this girl but I gave it a go the other night and it worked! We had a great night of hanging out kissing and cuddling.

I really want make this work because I know this could lead into a great relationship. I don’t want to dive in to hard and get hurt but at the same time I want this girl! I’ve been trying to meet up with her the last couple days but she seems to be busy and either ignores me or turns me down when I suggest a date. I even asked her if I should just back off and she said no â€" she wants to get to know me better.

Any ideas? Thanks!
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Answer: Hello!

First of all, you sure are putting a lot of power into her hands! By believing that she's the girl of your dreams, you're also telling yourself that you have to posses her. This is a great way to NOT have her. I have a rule that I teach my students: "Never fall in love with anything - or anyone - until you own it/her."

You're already falling in love with her without even having her! Thus if things don't work out, you're going to be heartbroken. That's a position of weakness; and be clear on this: she damn well knows it.

Keep in mind that someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit. She's not your "dream girl", she's someone else's nightmare. That's an important distinction to make if you ever want to have this girl. Thinking any differently will cause you to make all sorts of mistakes - just like you're doing now.

Here's the game:

You've approached her and you and she have had a great time so far. Now, she's playing hard-to-get. Now: STOP!!! Don't go rushing after her! That's exactly what she's trying to see if you'll do. That's the point of hard-to-get: it's to prove if you're hard-up instead!

Here's the reality: women don't want to be chased. That just tells them that they are of more value than you - as you see things. Instead, women want to DO the chasing. That means that YOU have more value in HER eyes - a very different thing!

If you've tried to hook up with her and she's blowing you off, it's because you're coming on way too strong. She has no motivation to meet you. Instead, the next time you see her say, "You know, it's too bad that you're not good at managing your schedule." (This is called a "bust" and is an important first step - I won't get into why this works here, it's too complicated) "If you were better, you and I might have had a chance" (This emphasizes the bust) "But I'm only interested in girls that can organize their time." (This sets the final hook.)

Now, just be quiet and let her talk. The less you say here the better! She'll have to come chasing after you if she doesn't want to lose you.

The bottom line is you've got to turn this around if you want a chance with her. Right now, she holds all the cards by saying "no" to your invitations. This works for her because it costs her nothing. You have to make it cost her something or you're going to have no chance with her at all.

If you want to learn all about these techniques - what they are and why they work, check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II".

Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: [http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp] for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: http://www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

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